On June 1st I will become the ISI Regional Field Director (RFD) for the Northeast. How did it come about? Here are some of the things that transpired and thoughts I had as I struggled with the decision over the last few months.
Discerning God’s will is often not easy—although I have taught workshops on “How to know God’s will,” when it comes to a decision of major import, it never seems easy, at least not for me. The way it usually happens for me is gradually, over a period of several months to a year, thinking and praying things through from various angles and sensing what God seems to be saying to me through scripture and through other people, until finally a settled feeling comes upon me, which I take to be from God, about what I am to do. So it was in this case.
Several months prior to the decision, Natasha started talking to me about her sense of completion and how God was leading her to step out of the RFD role. She encouraged me to consider taking on the role. From her perspective, it seems, she was preparing me for this (sometimes we are slow to catch on). There was lots to discuss. I wasn’t sure. I had some other ideas of what I thought I wanted to do in the coming years. She had someone else to talk to about the opportunity as well. “Good,” I thought, “maybe he will sense God telling him to take it, then I will know it is not for me.” But that was not the case, and so it came back to me again.
So I continued to walk and think and walk and pray until one day walking up the steep hill beyond our house it occurred to me that knowing God’s will is not simply an individualistic matter—often he uses others in the body of Christ to present opportunities to us and to affirm us in a certain direction (I had seen this pattern in my life before). I began to think about what I would do if I were the RFD and God started to give me ideas and a sense of vision. That was the turning point when I knew inside that it was probably going to happen.
But what about my other ideas? Maybe I could do it all! That’s when Beth talked some sense into me—sometimes it does pay to listen to your wife! I had to decide—could I focus on this and do it well? To do so, I needed to let my other ideas go. The critical moment came that night as I was reading in bed—a page from Bonhoeffer’s Cost of Discipleship. “The choice of field for their labors does not depend on their own impulses or inclinations, but on where they are sent.” The words stopped me in my tracks. When something is on your mind it seems that everything you read pertains to that thing, but I had a strong sense that the other ideas I had of what I wanted to do—my “own impulses and inclinations,” had to be let go and I had to go where I was sent, that is to be the RFD. A sudden flood of emotion came over me (which, for me is unusual), and I felt a sense of “Aha, that’s it!” followed by letting go of the struggle and finally a feeling of peace and resolve.
It probably wasn’t very nice of me not to tell Natasha right away and make her drive all the way to Syracuse for her appointed meeting with Beth and me where she thought she still had to talk us into it. “No problem,” we said, “we’re all set.” Of course, Dr. Shaw (our president) still had to approve it, and for me, that was the confirmation—if God didn’t want me to do it, he could say no. But that turned out not to be the case, and so I embark on the new role with a sense of anticipation of what God will do and with a sense of dependence on him, realizing that whatever I have done, he has accomplished for me (Isaiah 26:12) and that whatever I will do must be done through him (John 15:5).
Discerning God’s will is often not easy—although I have taught workshops on “How to know God’s will,” when it comes to a decision of major import, it never seems easy, at least not for me. The way it usually happens for me is gradually, over a period of several months to a year, thinking and praying things through from various angles and sensing what God seems to be saying to me through scripture and through other people, until finally a settled feeling comes upon me, which I take to be from God, about what I am to do. So it was in this case.
Several months prior to the decision, Natasha started talking to me about her sense of completion and how God was leading her to step out of the RFD role. She encouraged me to consider taking on the role. From her perspective, it seems, she was preparing me for this (sometimes we are slow to catch on). There was lots to discuss. I wasn’t sure. I had some other ideas of what I thought I wanted to do in the coming years. She had someone else to talk to about the opportunity as well. “Good,” I thought, “maybe he will sense God telling him to take it, then I will know it is not for me.” But that was not the case, and so it came back to me again.
So I continued to walk and think and walk and pray until one day walking up the steep hill beyond our house it occurred to me that knowing God’s will is not simply an individualistic matter—often he uses others in the body of Christ to present opportunities to us and to affirm us in a certain direction (I had seen this pattern in my life before). I began to think about what I would do if I were the RFD and God started to give me ideas and a sense of vision. That was the turning point when I knew inside that it was probably going to happen.
But what about my other ideas? Maybe I could do it all! That’s when Beth talked some sense into me—sometimes it does pay to listen to your wife! I had to decide—could I focus on this and do it well? To do so, I needed to let my other ideas go. The critical moment came that night as I was reading in bed—a page from Bonhoeffer’s Cost of Discipleship. “The choice of field for their labors does not depend on their own impulses or inclinations, but on where they are sent.” The words stopped me in my tracks. When something is on your mind it seems that everything you read pertains to that thing, but I had a strong sense that the other ideas I had of what I wanted to do—my “own impulses and inclinations,” had to be let go and I had to go where I was sent, that is to be the RFD. A sudden flood of emotion came over me (which, for me is unusual), and I felt a sense of “Aha, that’s it!” followed by letting go of the struggle and finally a feeling of peace and resolve.
It probably wasn’t very nice of me not to tell Natasha right away and make her drive all the way to Syracuse for her appointed meeting with Beth and me where she thought she still had to talk us into it. “No problem,” we said, “we’re all set.” Of course, Dr. Shaw (our president) still had to approve it, and for me, that was the confirmation—if God didn’t want me to do it, he could say no. But that turned out not to be the case, and so I embark on the new role with a sense of anticipation of what God will do and with a sense of dependence on him, realizing that whatever I have done, he has accomplished for me (Isaiah 26:12) and that whatever I will do must be done through him (John 15:5).